


It Just Leaves You Lonely

by Tseecka



Series: Love's a Bitch, Love's a Boon [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Day of Story and Song Spoilers, Elf/Non-Elf Relationships, Episode 69 spoilers, Found Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Taako Deals with His Family's Mortality, rated for language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 12:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14618790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tseecka/pseuds/Tseecka
Summary: The life expectancy of elves is long. The life expectancy of Flip Wizards is not. Taako always kinda figured that the two would balance out, but it seems like law of averages still isn’t in his favour.





	It Just Leaves You Lonely

Magnus is...hard. Magnus is really hard. 

 

He’s got his memories back, now, painting over what had felt like years of lonely trauma with a warm wash of togetherness and unity, ink spreading over wet paper to bleed Lup and Family and IPRE into all the places where gaps once were. So, like--he knows now that he’s watched friends die before. So many times, frankly, by the hundredth cycle he remembers it getting kind of  _ old _ , like “see ya in a bit” kind of old, like--familiar, maybe, is the better word?

 

Look, whatever, the point is, he’s watched Magnus die at least--what’d Krav say? Over a dozen, anyways, he’d stopped keeping count, and he sort of feels like it shouldn’t hurt this much. But--aw hell, it does, it really does. It’s all he can fucking do to just sit there and plaster a fucking smile on his face. It’s fucking literally all he can fucking do to keep hold of Magnus’ hand in his and not glare daggers across his bed at Merle. He’s got one of the fighter’s once meaty paws in his own, and Carey’s on the other side, cradling the other to her breastbone. The skin feels paper-thin, treacherously so, under Taako’s fingers, and the way the veins stand out, stark and blue, makes Taako’s complexion look positively fucking rosy. 

 

And Merle’s just sitting there, his mouth drawn in a downward curve beneath the bush of his thick white beard, and he’s just not doing anything; and yeah, yeah, obviously there’s not a ton a Cleric can do when you’re facing down  _ old-fucking-age _ , but Taako still feels like there should be  _ something _ , because this--

 

This shit is permanent. 

 

Magnus’ chest is moving in slow, shallow breaths. He isn’t struggling to breathe, at least; Taako doesn’t think he could deal with that, with something drawn out like that, because at least, like, every time before this was sudden and sharp and  _ over _ before you could think about it. But like, at the same time, for all that this shit is peaceful and warm and Magnus is here surrounded by everyone in the world that he loves? They’re just sitting here,  _ waiting for their friend to die _ . What the fuck?!

 

“You look like you’re about to cry, Taako,” Magnus breathes out quietly, though his eyes remain shut. Taako squints, and sees the faint glimmer of blue below his crepey lids, the corners of his mouth curving in a fond smile. Magnus squeezes his hand, and Taako looks down, because like fuck is he gonna let Magnus see him be  _ weak _ at a moment like this. The lines of Magnus’ tattoo blur together with the snaking paths of his veins, are interrupted by age spots and bruises that, over the last few months, started to just fuckin’  _ appear _ with no good reason. Damn it, he got so fuckin’ old...

 

“You fuckin’ wish,” he retorts, and that smile feels so caked in plaster and glue and fucking Fantasy Modge Podge that he thinks he feels it crack. “I’m just sitting here composing your eulogy, m’man.”

 

That gets a quiet titter from a few of their family members--Lup, of course, and Davenport’s small chuckle from the foot of the bed, and even a tired, wheezy laugh from Lucretia at Taako’s side--but it gets a laugh from Magnus, which is what is most important.

 

“Oh yeah? You gonna let me hear any of it?”

 

And Taako--he doesn’t have anything prepared, not really, he just said that because he thought it’d get a laugh (and it did!), but there’s this tight little hitch at the end of Magnus’ question and so he just...starts talking. And like, half of what he’s babbling is made up bullshit about Magnus’ accomplishments and heroic deeds and vast sexual prowess, which makes everyone groan. But Magnus is his friend; something like a best friend, even, maybe. He can’t be completely irreverent. And so mostly, the words pouring out of him are just...honest, true words about how  _ good _ Magnus is. Because out of all of them, Magnus is more deserving of that than anyone. 

 

He doesn’t know exactly when it starts, but the words start getting a little harder to force out, even though it’s not even  _ sad _ , dammit, he’s talking about the fucking bar fight Magnus got into the night before they left on their mission! But there’s something thick and heavy and hard in his throat, and he feels a hand on his shoulder, feels Angus squeeze as the words get all clogged up in there. Then he’s finished the story, and it doesn’t even get a chuckle from Magnus; and that’s when Taako registers the shining tracks of tears making their way down his friend’s weathered, ancient face. Shit.  _ Shit _ . 

 

Carey clucks her tongue, soothing, and forces a smile through her own tears--they’re all crying, every single one of them, Taako included. How can you not, he thinks; how can you  _ not _ empathize with this good, strong man faced with the end? Taako feels the wetness seep into the cracks of his smile, feels it start to loosen the glue holding the expression in place. 

 

“It’s okay, bud. It’s okay.” 

 

Carey’s voice is tremulous, but she’s smiling through the tears. Taako can feel it, as Magnus squeezes her hand; his elderly form is weak, entire muscle groups contracting in order to make even that small gesture. 

 

“Thanks, Taako,” Magnus gets out, looking back at him, then looking around the circle at his family,  _ their _ family, all gathered here to give him his final send-off. The tears are still trickling, but he doesn’t make any move to wipe them away; instead, Lucretia does it for him, leaning slowly past Taako to dab at the moisture coursing down his lined face with her handkerchief. “Thanks. All of you. For bein’ here, for...for everything.”

 

Taako holds his gaze when they make eye contact, but fuck, yeah, no, as soon as Magnus looks away he feels his smile just fuckin’  _ drop _ . He feels another long, soft sign from Magnus, as the old fighter’s eyes close and he settles back against his pillow. Taako bows his head over Magnus’ hand. Man, he’s gettin’  _ pathetic _ in his own middling age.

 

“We love you, Magnus,” Angus says softly, and Taako doesn’t...he doesn’t have the heart to tell the kid that all the strength and tension and  _ life _ in Magnus’ hand left him a split-second after the man closed his eyes. He felt the hand in his grow limp and lifeless, weak in a way that Magnus Fuckin’ Burnsides never, ever was; never, ever should’ve been. He can’t find the words to tell the poor kid, but he thinks, probably, that the way Carey gasps quietly, and the way he slumps over Magnus’ hand and sobs, and the way his heart breaks like a fucking thundercrack probably gets the point across well enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Magnus' tattoo is a reference to a dearly held headcanon of mine, which I will...probably also drabble out at some point. 
> 
> The plan for this work is to keep adding to it, illustrating the passage of time as one by one the members of Taako's family leave him behind. It's gonna be sad, folks, but I hope it's gonna be worthwhile.


End file.
